If you are in any way vulnerable, or in recovery of any sort (drinking, eating, drugs, depression) here are some things to keep in mind before you head for the holiday get-together.

1. Be intentional.

Plan ahead. Know what’s likely to trigger you – the relative you can’t stand, the cousin who picks on you, the smell of sausage-cheese biscuits, or the sight of your Aunt Polly’s Boule de Niege. Resolve to eat, drink and behave in a healthy manner. Work with a coach, or buddy.

2. Don’t let yourself feel deprived.

Focus on what you CAN have. If need be, bring along healthy snacks and your favorite soda pop. Take 3rd helpings of the fresh asparagus dressed with lemon. No need to go without!

3. Control what you can – yourself.

Let the others argue, fight, get drunk, over-eat. You aren’t going to change anyone’s behavior on this occasion, and if you try, you’ll likely lose control of your own.

4. Exercise your right to decline.

You do not “have” to have a drink, a second helping of mashed potatoes, or a piece of mincemeat pie in order to enjoy your holiday, or for others to enjoy theirs. You also do not "have" to interact with your tiresome Uncle Freddy who always puts you down.

5. Remember, “I love you (Mom, Grandaddy) and I love your spiked eggnog (or apple pie) but I love myself more.

6. H.A.L.T.

Don’t let yourself get too Hungry, too Angry, too Lonely, or too Tired. Arrange your schedule so you can calm yourself beforehand – whatever soothes you. A bubble bath, a rigorous walk, listening to music.

7. Plan something fun afterwards you can be looking forward to.

A movie, a walk with your partner, a snooze on the couch once you’re back home.

8. Focus on the positive.

Enjoy fully the relatives you enjoy. For the ones you don’t -- reward yourself with something for each time your sister says something nasty—one point for each insult, 10 points and you get a Caribbean cruise!

Focus on the fact there's plenty of food, or the beautiful fire in the fireplace, or the charming new grandbaby. Let your heart be filled. It’s your holiday. Enjoy it!

9. Practice your Personal Power before the get-together and every day!